Of Montreal

These guys write the most logically-creative lyrics I can think of without trying. Which is to say I've never thought about the logical creativity of lyrics before. Check out the first chunk of "Gallery Piece":

I wanna be your love
I wanna make you cry
And sweep you off your feet
I wanna hurt your pride
I wanna slap your face
I wanna paint your nails
I wanna make you scream
I wanna braid your hair
I wanna kiss your friends
I wanna make you laugh
I wanna dress the same
I wanna defend you
I wanna squeeze your thighs
I wanna kiss your eyelids
And corrupt your dreams

Some of the stops along the way, as he paints all the aspects of his desire, are pretty outrageous.

The Meltdown in Two Cows

In the simplest terms possible, Clusterstock tells us what happened:

You have two cows.

John Paulson borrows one cow so he can sell it for $100. He gives you $10 as collateral.

You buy your neighbors cow for $100, which you finance by taking out a $90 loan from the bank and use John's $10 to make up the rest.

You brag to everyone about your financial health. You have assets--two cows you own, plus one Paulson owes you--worth $300, and liabilities of just $100.

A third of the country goes vegetarian.

You thought your two cows were worth $200 and now they are worth $140.

You express confidence in your financial health. Your assets are now worth only $200--your two cows plus the one John owes you--but your liabilities are still only $100. If necessary, you could sell the assets at this distressed price and pay off all your loans.

You hold onto your cows because you are sure the market is "dislocated." Some day someone will want to eat beef again.

The rest of the country goes vegetarian. Your two cows are now worth $2 each to guys who want to make dog food.

John Paulson buys a cow in the market for $2 and he gives it to you as repayment of the loan. You now have three cows worth six bucks.

John wants his $10 back.

The bank calls. It wants its $90 back.

You call the Federal Reserve and ask for a bailout.

LOL, kinda...

Make Money Like Porsche

I saw a post on kottke.org a while back when Volkswagen became the largest company in the world by market capitalization. It piqued my interest, but I didn't know enough to look deeper. Turns out there's a fascinating story there, beginning with Porsche recognizing an opportunity to engineer a short squeeze and ending with the well-publicized suicide of Adolf Merckle. Here is a very lucid explanation of what happened.

Dear Friends

We haven’t posted in a while. I fully accept one third of the responsibility for this. We received at least one complaint about it (I’m sure there are a million more—they must be getting caught in my spam filter). Maybe this isn’t the best forum for our thoughts. My problem is that I don’t have that many thoughts. Do you have any thoughts? Put your best thoughts in the comments and I’ll publish the best of those best in a subsequent post.

Well Said

Rec'd on Friday:

"While I am out of the office, the following people should be contacted if necessary during my absence. Keep in mind, that not all questions will be able to be answered instantaneously, and additional resources might be required."

Makes Me Cry Different Kinds of Tears

My previous link to the Onion, some recent history, Thanksgiving, and the dawning future make now a good time to reminisce about bad times and the humor they inspire:

From the Department of Wishful Thinking:
Bush Finds Error In Fermilab Calculations
Bush Regales Dinner Guests With Impromptu Oratory On Virgil's Minor Works

From the Department of Barely False:
Bush Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Congress

From the Department of Deeper Truth:
President Bush Urges Nation

and this vid:

Bush Tours America To Survey Damage Caused By His Disastrous Presidency

Or just browse the archive yourself.

Advil Release

Spot on from The Onion:

New Pain-Inducing Advil Created For People Who Just Want To Feel Something, Anything

The primary axiom of Infinite Jest!

Housewarming

It's cold in Boston, but our apartment is cleaner today than it's ever been, making Friday or Saturday high time (ha) for the housewarming party. This is the advance invitation for our closest friends—who the hell else reads this? Keep your channels open for nailed-down details tomorrowish.

Here's a little preview to trick you into coming: