Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Palintology

There's an interesting piece in the L.A. Times warning not to underestimate Sarah Palin. She certainly has succeeded in lowering our expectations of her non-scripted rhetorical capabilities; the Palin Quote Generator sounds frighteningly like the real thing, circa the first Couric interview.

Whether she rebounds on Thursday or continues to play the milfetoast remains to be seen. My guess is that she shows glimpses of something special, but we won't see the real thing until 8 years from now, when she's running for real. If the entertainment industry proves anything, it's that the American people are unbelievably forviging of attractive people. If she fails now, it's just settting the stage for a bigger comeback.

Well-Broken Fast

Despite an inauspicious start to Sunday—fumbling for the light or the door of my windowless room, puffy-eyed and unsure whether I was feeling a hangover barely avoided or barely arrived—we were able to conjure a miracle before noon.

The average Modern breakfast has been yogurt & granola with an occasional banana. The outlier breakfast has been cheese'd eggs (usually scrambled, sometimes omelettized) with toast. Today would be a first in the new place: pancakes. The problem was plain pancakes are milquetoast, nutritionally; I wanted more. So I rescued the bananas from certain yogurt, and brought them to my batter. Problem was they were only slightly spotted, and my understanding was that the tolerably closer to rotting, the better the banana p's. It would not do. The solution: slice, sauté (with sugar), smash, and add.

New to me, as a chef, the wonders of caramelization! I miscooked the pancakes several times, but these things just could not be destroyed. A slim drizzle of Vermont Pure put them in a category of breakfast I haven't tasted probably since the french toast at the Michelin-two-star-chef'd Michel Rostang at Malliouhana in Anguilla, 5 1/2 years ago. All present company agreed: astounding.

I eat to live, more than the reverse, so trust me when I say: you have to try this.


Note: Not my image, but equal in appetite appeal (the industry term—thanks Studiocom!).

Monday, September 29, 2008

Haiku

Chicken crossing road:
To some, a joke; to me, it's
poultry in motion.

I wrote that in college. Let's hope my subsequent posts are similarly enlightening.

Cheers,

Chatlos

Estonian Commercial - "Condom Protects"



Wow.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Shit Burgers, Three Stooges Syndrome, Etc.


"Any change is as good as a vacation at this point. I don't know if you've paid much attention to the past eight years, but it has been a shit burger supreme. If somebody gives me an empty burger, it's better than eating shit."

-- Stephen Colbert, setting aside his conservative TV pundit character for an interview with Entertainment Weekly. (Emphasis added)

You know things are bad when Stephen Colbert is forced out of character, when he is driven to abandon irony in favor of "straight-talk." "Shit burger supreme" - a great metaphor worthy of reflection. Colbert is attempting to convey something essential about the past eight years, something which is arguably beyond any one metaphor, something inexpressibly shitty.

It seems we aren't able to wrap our minds around the insanity of the eight years W has been in the White House. Check out an incomplete list of scandals from W's administration. I've found that I actually can't be upset about all of this at once. And my sense is that it's not just me - the administration seems to have hit a critical point beyond which it's impossible for anyone - the press, the public, Congress - to fully grasp as a whole the absurdity of history's unfolding under W.

It's kind of like that episode of the Simpsons where Mr. Burns is diagnosed with absolutely every sickness known to man (plus a few):

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.
Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?
Doctor: Yes.
Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?
Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you.
Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?
Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.
Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.
Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Here's the door to your body, see?
[bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk]
Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs.
[points to a different one up as he names each disease]
Doctor: That's influenza, that's bronchitis,
[holds up one]
Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once.
[tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck]
Doctor: [Stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead.
[normal voice]
Doctor: We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome".
Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible.
Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even slight breeze could...
Mr. Burns: Indestructible...


Something like the "Three Stooges Syndrome" seems to be going on in how I take in politics - all of the scandals of the previous administration can't actually get through the threshold of my political consciousness at once. There's simply too much to be upset about. Another scandal. Another set of headlines about something which should make me outraged. "US Attorney Firings?" "CIA Leak?" "The VP Shot a Man in the Face?" The never-ending flow of "shit burger supremes" might very well have resulted in the opposite of what we'd expect - instead of pissing us off more and more, the sheer volume and frequency of outrageous events led us into a leveled off, pseudo-anesthetized state. Over time we've become relatively unaffected by what should be cause for complete outrage. The greatest disappointment of the last eight years isn't that shit burgers have kept coming our way - it's that we've been willing to stomach them again and again.

It's so easy to be cynical, to believe that we're doomed to despondency and that corruption will always remain in place, secured by tradition and the growing cynicism of the public. "Indestructible..." But - the good news is that Mr. Burns is wrong when he concludes that he's in the clear, that he's invincible. The balance between his ailments is a fragile state, one that's easily disrupted by the slightest change in conditions. I like to think our political malaise is similarly fragile, that it can be shattered in a brief historical moment when we catch a glimpse of the approach of something new.

(For another example of the Three Stooges Syndrome at work in a different context, see the Duke's post below about the unfolding saga of moving into our apartment. It's cognitively impossible to keep track of everything outrageous that's happened. To quote the Duke himself: "It's all too upsetting, and honestly I just don't have any stress to spare...")

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

23 Days Later

Crack the champagne: the installation of a washer/dryer today marks the day that the terms of our lease (September 1, 2008 – August 31, 2009) were finally fulfilled by the landlord. A brief history of this wondrous, tumultuous time:

Friday, August 29
Mallen shows up. No walls. "It'll be done by the 1st."

Sunday, August 31
No walls. Last day in old apartment; must move in.

Monday, September 1
Holiday. Move rest of stuff from old to new apartment. Neighbor calls cops on illegal construction. No progress.

Tuesday, September 2
Contractors busy. Scant progress.

Wednesday, September 3
Walls up. Sheetrock dust everywhere.

Friday, September 5
Walls plastered. Sheetrock dust not a problem—plaster dust way worse, and everywhere.

Monday, September 8
Williamstown for the weekend. Dust regroups, redoubles.

Tuesday, September 9
John & Mallen spend night in apartment; dust spends night in them. Landlord assures us it's fine.

Wednesday, September 10
Mallen makes first pot of coffee.

Thursday, September 11
I spend my 1st night; regret it.

Friday, September 12
Car towed from Columbus Ave. Tow + ticket = $157. Comcast installs internet—1 hour of installation, 2 hours of uptime. Landlord: "Washer in Tuesday."

Saturday, September 13
John's towel detectable at arm's length—by smell.

Sunday, September 14
Went to yoga. Laundry access: soon.

Tuesday, September 16
Internet fixed. Washer absent, but presumed functional.

Wednesday, September 17
Bedroom doors now swing outward, per blueprint; mine swings toward window, not per blueprint.

Thursday, September 18
Yoga again. Clothes from 9/14 yoga still in plastic bag.

Friday, September 19
"Either the stove isn't level or these eggs really want to be in me."

Saturday, September 20
Car returned to CT. Parking violations since September 1: $307.

Sunday, September 21
Me to neighbor: "Can we do a load of laundry?" Neighbor: "No."

Monday, September 22
Clothes from 9/14, 9/18 yoga extracted from bags and hung on railing outside. Odor: unreal.

Tuesday, September 23
Arrival of the Haier XQG50-11 Front Load All-In-One Washer/Dryer. 21 of 27 reviews on epinions give it 1 star. Landlord tries to level stove, concludes poured concrete floor must be 3/4 inch higher in back. Oven now leaks gas.

If the rest of the year is half this interesting, there will be blood, and lawyers.